I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
