I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
