My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
