My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
