Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
