sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
