Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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