the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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