So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The ass gains better be worth it
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