gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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