Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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