So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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