I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
