I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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