So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
