The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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