So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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