Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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