as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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