Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
