we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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