giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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