Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
