So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
