I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
