I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
