The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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