Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
