Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
