come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
