And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
