are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
