wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
