I think my fart just growled at me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
