you would pick up someone in the library
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
