these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
