Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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