she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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