One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
