Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
