Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
