:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
