If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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