the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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