A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
