we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
