I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
