the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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