I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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