I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
